The Scare Salon

I’m gonna say right out of the gate that I loved this flick; it’s unsettling, it’s kinda messed up, and it’s blackly comedic to the point of almost (but not quite) spilling over into camp, which was one of the best things about it. Numerous reviewers have pointed out its thematic similarity to classic “hagsploitation” films like What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?, only focused on old men instead of old women. This is a very astute comparison, and I’d be willing to bet that if you were into those kinds of movies, you would probably adore this. I will also note that in a career of outstanding performances, John Lithgow completely kills it here, and I feel like this might be one of his best roles to date; he’s absolutely unhinged and terrifying, and he’s mesmerizing to watch.

Just an aside: if there are any native New Zealanders reading this, how accurate was John Lithgow’s Kiwi accent? It sounded really good to me, and I’m the kind of person who has a hard time watching any actor doing an accent that isn’t their own, even if they do it perfectly, just because it’s too distracting for me since I know they don’t really talk like that. But Lithgow’s accent wasn’t distracting for me at all. I’m not from New Zealand, though, so obviously I’m not the best arbiter of whether he nailed it or not.

Anyway, the setup of the movie goes like this: Geoffrey Rush plays a judge named Stefan Mortensen, who at the beginning of the movie is pronouncing a sentence in a particularly horrific child abuse case. Partway through, though, he collapses to the floor, the victim of a stroke.

Left partially paralyzed, he’s taken to the Royal Pine Mews care home to recover. Believing he’s only going to be in the facility for a short time before getting back to his big-time, very important life, Stefan makes no secret of the contempt he feels for the other residents and tries to maintain his former dignity and authority in the face of his own physical deterioration and the infantilizing attitudes of the care home employees.

Stefan is a fascinating character because he’s almost completely unlikable: he’s an unrepentant snob who clearly thinks everyone else is beneath him, and it’s obvious he’s grown very used to bossing everyone else around and getting his own way. So watching him being forced into a situation where he suddenly has no power and all his previous accomplishments mean absolutely nothing to anybody is disquieting enough on its own, especially since many of us will one day be able to relate to his predicament.

Indeed, the inherent horror and grotesquerie of aging does a lot of the heavy lifting here, and as I mentioned, it ramps up the disturbing nature of the story quite a lot because it’s something that happens to everyone and something that most everyone fears. No one wants to have a completely functioning mind trapped inside an almost useless body and be seen as a bothersome burden to everyone around them, and there’s something even more frightening about it when you were seen as something of a big shot back in your day, as Stefan was. Now, though, he’s just another grumpy old man in a wheelchair who complains too much and has a hard time feeding and bathing himself.

In a sort of teaser of things to come, not long after arriving at the care home, Stefan is out on the patio talking to another resident named Howie (Ian Mune), who accidentally sets himself on fire with a cigarette, and burns to death in his wheelchair. Stefan, largely immobile, can only watch in helpless horror as the man dies screaming.

The care home, by the way, also has a resident cat, who is rumored to be able to sense when one of the old folks is going to die. There are several scenes with the cat that made me very anxious because it seemed like something bad was going to happen to her, but spoiler alert, nothing does, thank goodness. Thank you, movie, for not killing the adorable kitty cat, because I’m getting a little pissed off at that trope. Kill all the people you want in horror movies, but leave the kitties and puppies alone!

So a little while after Stefan gets settled in, he meets another inmate at the care home, Dave Crealy (John Lithgow), an eccentric weirdo who always wears a super creepy baby doll hand puppet named Jenny Pen who he sometimes voices like she’s a ventriloquist’s dummy. At first, the guy just seems kind of strange but not overtly threatening; a little bit of a jerk, but plainly not all there mentally.

However, Stefan soon begins to fathom the depths of Dave’s psychopathy. You see, despite his strenuous objections, Stefan has been placed in a shared room (which is the only kind at the facility, as an employee patiently explains when Stefan makes a stink about wanting a private room). Stefan’s roommate is a once-famous retired rugby player named Tony Garfield (George Henare), who Stefan sees as something of a dumb brute.

One night, as both men are settling in to sleep, Stefan is certain he sees Dave sitting in a chair in the corner of his room, Jenny Pen’s hollow eyes catching the sparse light. He can’t figure out how Dave might have gotten into their room, but when he complains to the staff, they tell him he must have just imagined it.

The torment ramps up over the successive nights, though, as Dave repeatedly slips into the room after lights out. At first, he gets his jollies by messing with Tony in the bed across the room while Stefan is forced to watch; at one point he throws a bottle full of piss over the hapless rugby player, and he forces Tony to lick Jenny Pen’s “asshole” (really Dave’s own wrist) to demonstrate his submission to her “rule.”

Stefan can’t understand why such a formerly formidable athlete would allow himself to be debased in such a way, but Tony has been at the care home longer and knows that worse will happen to him if he doesn’t do exactly as Dave wants. In fact, it starts to become clear as the story goes on that the other residents are all terrified of Dave and his malicious antics, but keep silent about it as they fear Dave’s wrath, and none of the staff believe their accounts anyway. Dave, it turns out, has been at Royal Pine Mews for decades, first as an employee and later as a resident, and he’s familiar with every inch of the place and knows exactly how to manipulate the staff into thinking he’s just a harmless old man.

I don’t want to spoil too much of the stuff Dave does because it’s better to just watch the movie and find out for yourself, but suffice it to say that deeper levels of depravity are revealed as time goes on, and Stefan ultimately realizes that he and Tony will have to make a stand against Dave and Jenny’s tyranny at some stage, even though their bodies and minds are falling apart at the same time.

This was just an excellent, engaging film, grounded by two powerhouse performances and a real sense of escalating tension. Dave was such a lunatic that you were never quite sure what he would get up to next, which kept you riveted to the screen, and the conflict between Stefan’s deteriorating but still potent sense of justice and righteousness, and Dave’s chaotic malevolence, was amazingly done.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t point out the terrific cinematography, which gives the rooms and corridors of the care home, as well as the wrinkled faces of its residents, a skewed and eerie vibe that contributes greatly to the atmosphere as a whole.

As I said, if you’re a fan of hagsploitation-style cinema, and maybe even something like Bubba Ho-Tep (which is a lot wackier than this, but explores some of the same territory), then I would definitely recommend The Rule of Jenny Pen; it’s a very effective psychological journey into the horrors of aging, and it really showcases the stellar performances of its two lead actors.

Until next time, keep it creepy, my friends.